i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
