Me too!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
