I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
