Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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