Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
