oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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