A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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