Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
