Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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