Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We got so high we made milksteak
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
