I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
