Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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