u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Too much gin, very little bucket
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
