I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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