Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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