Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize