I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
