Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
