I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
