Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
