she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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