I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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