I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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