went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
