WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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