So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
