the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
