Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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