Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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