Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Text me some of your sweat
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
