Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
