he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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