3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
