Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
