who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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