So drunk its hurt
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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