Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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