We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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