I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
