my phone needs a breathalizer
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
