Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
