I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
