i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
