I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
