How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
