dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
