why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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