please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
