i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
