Me. At least after what I've been through.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
