i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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