party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
