Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
