I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
